The last time.

I've had a giant wake up call. Long story short, a couple friends unsettled my core a little when they made a couple comments and it bogged me down, and I didn't even realize it. To think, you could be with someone who you are attracted too, and have that be just as important as their personality.... Well, that's vain.... Isn't it??? Jess goes on the defense. I used to be one of those people most wouldn't consider because of how I looked. I've always been a beautiful person... Someone who is a great friend. But not attractive. And now? I deserve to look and feel good!! This person? Is now this person (see images). And the person that I was??? Doesn't get to affect me anymore. She doesn't. She shouldn't have for this long. But I'm a late bloomer. It takes me a lil while longer to figure this life out. And that's fine. However frustrating, as long as I figure it out!! I lost my weight, because i couldn't handle seeing myself the way I was anymore. I am humbled by it. By all of it. But I can't let it affect me anymore. I can't. If there is something that still affects you.... Figure out what it is... And put it to rest. Live for each moment. Live for now. When asked what time it is? Say "Now".... When asked what you are? Say "This moment." Live and believe that. Cherish it. Always love those in your life. The ones who support you fully. The ones who know every element of your life and love you for all of it. #always

Life. As it is right now.

Here is a lil blurb I just wrote. I found myself feeling amazing. The same way I’ve felt multiple times over the last few months, and I wanted to share it 

I hope it can be as uplifting, and powerful for you as the feeling is for me. 

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I’m so high.
I’m so high on the very essence that is this life.
Adventure.
Struggle.
Experience.
Revelations.
Failures.
Successes…

I’ve found.
You can’t have one without the other.
The reason why people succeed is because they learned from their failures.
The reason why people grow is because through that very process.
They change.
I will look you dead in the eye.
And I will tell you:
“I don’t know who I used to be.”
“I don’t know how I used to act.
How I used to live.”
And I can say that completely honestly because…
I’m so in love with the person that I am.
Right now.
In this very instant.
And maybe who….
maybe who I’ve always wanted to be.
This person.
Is the person who keeps my lil inner child amazed and in awe.
Of everything.
But, mainly, LIFE!

I dare to believe,
we all have the ability to feel something so wonderful.
Due to chemical imbalances and the stresses of the world…
People forget to breathe.
To take in these moments,
no matter when they happen.
They are so special.
Each so unique and different from the other.
Because your heart is stretched a bit further than the last time.
You learn a bit more about yourself.
And you learn to heal.
All over again.

These are the moments to live for.
These are the moments that we truly grow.
Without these moments,
one would find it difficult to excel outside.
To be the person you want to be,
You must have inner peace,
inner love,
and inner strength.

Learn this.
Live this.
And you too can be your dream.

Competition Mode

To compete, or not to compete, has been my biggest question since I hacked off almost all my weight.  For the sake of making a story out of my accomplishment, I feel as though I have to compete in some way.  Through fitness competitions or marathons.  The problem with marathons is this:  my knee.  While, yes, it feels very strong... any kind of longer term running on concrete (which, lets be honest... most marathons are run on city streets) would have negative long-term side effects to my knee.  The impact would be too much.  When I first started exercising again, I was set on doing an IronMan (the tri sort of ironman).  The idea of doing that was shortly squashed thereafter when I learned of the imminent need of a knee replacement at the age of 45 if I were to compete in such a way.  This (with however appealing an ironman is) is not so appealing to me.

Last night, I finally had the right mindset about competing at the physique level on stage... I told myself "If I can get my body to look like that, nothing else on that stage matters".  And that is the god honest truth.  Everyone who competes (while, yes, they do want to be aesthetically pleasing) competes for the sheer idea of enduring and triumphing on their journey.  The journey that took them from where they started to where they wound up on that stage.  Getting that lean is crazy.  But people do it.  Anyone can do it, if they have the right mentality.  So, where does all of this dosi-doing get me?  More towards the idea that I awnt to try to lean out now, and see where I can land.  The major factor affecting all of this is the mere idea that this sport is actually pretty expensive if you are actually going to go through with a show.  From the suit to the nutrition and training to the tan, everything you have to do.... To be stressed about how to pay for it if I were to actually go all the way would be something undesirable in my mind.  Oh!  and the supplementation!  I would go for physique.  I can gain muscle naturally pretty well, but creatine and the other muscle growing supps (all OTC and purchased at super supplements...) would add up too.

The best thing I can say as of now: I finally no longer care about the idea of doing a routine.  As I said, if i can get that lean, nothing would matter on stage.  I just need a good paying job now!  Anyone?  haha

Still. Learning. To Live.

the mathematical equation,
the one that will solve my problem,
is missing a step.
this step will determine
how I live from this minute forward.
the missing step is simply,
a thought in my mind.
Sounds so simple.
so, so simple.
and in reality, and to anyone else, it is.
you can change your thought from one to another in an instant,
if you allow it to be.
so, what is my hold up?
what is stopping me?
I was at location a,
I am now at location e.
I had to go through b, c and d to get there though.
And even if no one I meet now knows that,
I know that.
And the knowledge that I went from A to E,
well,
it should be the most empowering knowledge I have.
And it is.

You hold the power within,
to be who you want to be.
You're light is not on a dimmer,
its a switch: off? or on?
Shine? or Shadow?
I choose shine. 
I do shine.
I'm not the person I was at the beginning of my travels.
Through traveling you grow, and learn.
I am doing myself a disservice to not be who Ive become.
Its time to be her. 
And to love. 
And to learn. 
And to LIVE.

Time to remember.

Its been about 8ish months since my last post.  And while I dont have a reasonable explanation for this, it got to the point where everything I started to write, i couldnt figure out where I was going with it, or what I wanted to say.  To simplify, I lost the course, the path, I was on.  My goal in beginning to write again is to get back on track, figure out where I'm going from here.  Here being the point in which, yeah, I've lost all my weight, but what am I going to do to continue to inspire people??  For a long time, I couldnt answer that question.  And I'm not sure the "path" is any more clear than it was for the last 8 months.  But, I am dedicating to myself to getting back into inspiration mode!!! Dum dum dummmmm

I think one of the leading factors is that I feel I'm being pulled in many directions and fitness is not necessarily on the back burner, but its on a middle burner.  Life, does indeed, happen.  I'm currenting enrolled in the Nurses Aid Certification (NAC) program at Seattle Central CC, working on websites, working at my trainers studio as a cafe attendant and maintenance/cleaning awesome person, and still doing catering, which is picking up as wedding season comes back into season.  I also need to start volunteering anywhere I can that will take a nursing student.  You can only imagine how my schedule is.  And any chance i get downtime, I dont want to do much but sleep when I really need to study.  I may be getting burnt out so to speak.  But the very fact that I can say that I'm becoming burnt out is igniting my passion for fitness even more.  I'm almost annoyed that I have so much other stuff going on.  And that is fueling me back onto my original fitness path!

I have told my trainer she is going to start getting weekly photos from me as an extra accountability measure.  Just to ensure I'm staying the same if not lowering my body fat.  I'm currently fluxuating from 19-20%, back and forth, back and forth.  My near future goal is to start virtual training.  I havent locked in a monthly price yet, but it will be affordable for the average person.  I understand training is a luxury.  But I saw too many people come in for fitness orientations while I was working at 24hr fitness who cant afford it but are more driven than the people who can.  My goal is to help those people.  In any way I can.  I'm not a sales person.  I'm just a person who wants to help people live the dream i did.  The dream of dropping their weight, of gaining their muscle, of reaching their true potential and of waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, and FINALLY being happy with what they see.  That is what I want.

More posts to come..... !!!

:)

Still chugging along!

So, I know my posts are coming less and less. But that does not mean that my fitness journey has seen its better day! I decided it was high time to tell you guys what I have been working on in the last couple months!

First of all, an update on me! Unfortunately, 6 days after I posted my last blog, I lost my day job to the economy. While it has been tough to keep my spirits high, I have succeeded on all fronts in doing so and am simmering on a low boil until something comes up to fill my days again. I did get a job with Tom Douglass Catering, and for those of you who know restaurants, or well known chefs, this is actually pretty cool! Fun Fact: He beat the chef on "American Iron Chef". Lucky for him though, the secret ingredient was king salmon. Lol. Anyway, With the time on my hands though, I'm definitely getting in my workouts! And in July, I gave my trainer enough for a very nice buffer, knowing I would be making less money. Little did I know the reality of that statement at the time, but, training is my sanity. I'm not that upset about it!

As far as my fitness goes: i've been getting 5 strength workouts in a week. One chest day, shoulder day, back, legs, and some rehabilitative work (ok, you're right, so not so 'strength' after all on that last day, but still!) and for fun,I'll throw in arms on any of the mentioned days to make sure they are the primary rather then the secondary targeted muscle. My cardio is not as amazing as it used to be. I do decide from time to time, "I feel like doing 8 miles today!" and I'll break it up into 4mile segments. Or, I'll go do some erg sprints. But, I will say, I really have been working on my strength. Working to get stronger. My knee was causing some issues for awhile, and while that doesnt affect my upper body, It did affect my workouts for a bit. For about a month and a half, I didnt work out much (maybe once, twice a week), but my diet was clean (errrr... enough) and I was still training my clients. My strength declined, I went from an incline chest press of 45 for 8 (spotted) to 37.5/40-ish. While my legs still need work, my last chest work out I warmed up with 40 for 12, and then did 45 for 10 and 8! Ready to hit 50! Woot!

 I'm also quietly, and slowly, working on a side project that I hope to be fabricating sometime in the near future! More details on that soon!

 ALSO! My trainer finally got her site up! If you want to check it out, visit:
 www.amandajarstad.com
 and give her some love! She is definitely one of the leading reasons I am where I am today! She has been one of the most inspirational, motivational people I've known!

 I know, quick short update! But, I just realized, you have yet to see who came out to play!!

My top two! YAY! haha

 Signing off, for now! Will be back hopefully sooner rather than later!

 Cheers!

Something worth showing :D

So, I felt that the weekly posts were becoming a bit redundant, as my rate of change is continuing to slow. But, I woke up this morning and decided that today, I had something worth showing. We can call this the 1 year, 1 month mark. And Id say, that yes, I am actually pleased with this!

Another reason for not posting much is that I have taken a job at 24Hr Fitness, where I started my own journey and have been slowly building up a client base. It is a nice feeling knowing that I am finally doing something that is honorable, and noteworthy, and to the benefit of someone else. WHICH, in turn, benefits me. The way my heart wrenches over the need to help people. And now that I am? My heart constantly has a smile! My workouts have been a lil slow lately. To be honest. I have been working 70hrs, and getting my place all packed up and ready to move. Takes a toll after awhile! But,I have been doing at least something outside of work and moving daily.

Anyway, here is my update!