Thursday, April 14, 2011

Off the Hook

This is going to be short. I just realized. I'm letting myself off the hook. I'm not sticking to my diet 100%, even tho I do follow it pretty well. And on top of it, I'm stretched for time, constantly, and if I have time, I relax into it so much cause sometimes I feel my life is just way to chaotic that the second I get a chance to breath, instead of run out and do something else with that time I just hang out. Relax, actually allow myself to unload for a moment. But, I realized. The reason I dont stay strict to my diet is part of me wonders "whats the point??" No matter what I do right now, my stomach will not change much. It has lost all it can lose and while it still may lose some, I was overweight for ohhh..... 7years? Maxing out at 195lbs and, well, I would say that I averaged around..... 185 for the entire 7 years. I got to 175 like 4 summers ago, and then went back up to 185. 190 ish. And i guess its slightly discouraging. I wonder how much of me is lose skin. the fact that I can lift my arm up now and there are stretch marks in my armpit, or the fact that I feel like when I sit down, there is oh... a good pinch (no not mm pinch/skinfold pinch but thumb to middle finger pinch) of what seems to be lose skin. It's all around my body. My legs never carried a lot of fat, so they I think will be just fine.

So, back to why I let myself off the hook. I guess you can say its discouraging. To know, I could be at the gym, doing various cardio routines, switching from distance to HIIT and just constantly requiring my body to perform differently, keeping it on its toes, but my stomach wont change. So, why even diet...right? WRONG. Given, and this is hilarious to me, my craving, my "cheat" is no longer a bacon burger, its no longer ben and jerrys, or cold stone or a milk shake, or a slice of pizza from the amazing hot mamas.... you want to know what I crave now? Trail Mix. that's right, I said it. Trail mix. Not cake, not doughnuts, nothing like that. They must throw some coke, or some addictive additive into their mix because I want it, all the time. I am healthier, but that doesnt mean that I slack on my goals, and what I want for myself.

My goals dont change. Wont change. It doesnt matter, my stomach will get taken care of eventually. And when it does, I wont have these thoughts. But, for now, accept the frustration. Live it. BUT, keep myself accountable!!!

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