Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Talking at a person who no longer exists.

Who are you?
How on earth did I let myself get to be this person?! Sometimes I look at this photo and all I can do is try to fight back the tears and I get so angry. SO angry. That I let myself get to be this big. And this isn't HUGE, when comparing to other people in this expansive population that this world contains. But for me? This IS big. Ugh! How depressing. How.... how sad to think that I used to walk around in this body. It's bothersome. It drives me mad. And to think, I was blissfully unaware that this was what I truly looked like. It's only now, that I have lost 60lbs, and I look at this photo of myself, do I truly see me for what I was. And Who I was, and the weight I carried. Its..... I just want to scream. And find a blown up photo of this person, and give it hell! Beat it up, just rip it to shreds. I told my trainer at one point, that I feel like I'm deleting this person. That I won't truly be able to flourish until she is completely gone. This person. Was the reason I had no confidence, I was insecure, and still am to this day because in the back of my mind, I still think like I did when I was her, even if I have these daily moments where my life is a dream. And I really AM doing it this time!! She needs to go away, and I wont stop until I see absolutely no trace of her, whatsoever.

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