Flabbergasted.

I signed into my old youtube account. For whatever reason, I cant remember. And since I was signed into it, as I opened up my blogger, (for whatever reason, I cant remember)I was directed to my really old blog account that was attached to the same google user as my youtube account. The blog account I made to track my first weight loss attempt after moving to Seattle. I have been wanting to find a photo of me showing skin at my worse. For a few weeks now actually. Cause I thought it would be fun to compare. And when I started looking thru this blog, I forgot I was doing daily photo updates. In the same fashion I am now. I had my comparison photo. But as I looked through these photos, I got really sad. I got sad for the person in the photo. I thought I was happy back then, but if you look in my eyes, I dont look happy. It could be attributed to being tired. I do remember being fairly tired back then, I think. I dont even know. But, I got sad. The only time I smiled after discovering these photos was when I did the comparison line.... 195-175-140-ish. I say 140 though.

I texted my trainer, and told her about my discovery. I then confessed to a moment not too long ago where I got really angry at myself. I got angry because I feel guilt, for letting myself go. For giving up on myself. I mean, you grow up playing sports as I did, and being active, always in some sport or another. I would run everyday after school and my friends on the softball team at one point yelled to me to stop running cause I had been running for like 2hrs. An hour, whatever it was. But that wasnt uncommon. Not back then. I could play a basketball game, go straight to a soccer game, play all 90, and then go home and go for a 4mile run because i had a run during the soccer game where I felt like my legs were disconnecting from my body and i kicked the ball out. So, to get even, I went for a run. I mean, I could do that, piece of cake! To go from that, to what, nothing? Being a spectator? Anyway, I dont need to drag this out. I'm just thankful I rediscovered my old blog and can get the full range of change. :)

Here's the line: